Column: Pressed Up
A his and hers column of exploration after dark

Jewels belong on a denim vest, not female anatomy

EDIE HAUGHTON
Special to The Mesa Press

Any idiot can think up a product, get a patent and market it to the masses of ridiculous consumers out there, but where the line gets drawn is when marketing agents try to get women to bedazzle their hoo-hahs.

Yes, vajazzling is a real trend in today’s culture, but it is up there with scrunchie socks and jeggings in terms of fashion statements that scream “why would you do that to yourself!”

Want to show some Charger’s pride? You can glue a glittery lightning bolt to your FUPA. Going for a classy look? How about red jewels in the shape of luscious lips? The possibilities are endless.

OK, time to get serious.

In case you are not yet aware of this concept, “vajazzling” is the celebrity-touted practice of gluing small crystals in various shapes to one’s pubic area after it has been shaved or waxed. Some women choose to buy a kit and do it a home while others have this styling done at a studio or spa.

Jules Skin Studio in La Jolla is one local spot where ladies can get both a Brazilian wax and a vajazzling treatment with Swarovski crystals for $65.

According to the company’s website at vajazzling.com, the crystals won’t hurt a sexual partner during activity and are generally safe when used atop tattoos. Some glues may cause allergic reactions, so those interested in tip-toeing into the world of dirty treasure hunts may need to consider that factor.

In addition to the vajazzling trend, women have also been having feathers glued on and have been waxing their pubic hair into Playboy bunnies, hearts, letters, butterflies and other random shapes.

If you need to dye your public hair fuchsia, get an under-the-belt haircut in the shape of your favorite planet or adhere jewels and feathers to your yourself, then it’s time to question why you feel the need to do this. Sex should be about you, your partner and the connection that you have with each other.

If one is highlighting their lady business with these shenanigans in order to spice things up in the bedroom or make yourself feel more comfortable naked, then it might be time to change your approach.

A woman needs to be comfortable in her own body before worrying about a second party. Luring a partner down with shiny objects is not the key to ultimate happiness. Perhaps meditating and self-exploration will be a better way to boost both self-confidence and increase sexual prowess.

Vajazzling is the newest art form to be embraced

ANDREW FERGIN
Special to The Mesa Press

Vajazzling is one of those trends that the first time I encountered it I had to pause for a few seconds.  Beads bedazzled around a vagina?  Huh.

Being born with a penis and a desire to keep that penis I’m not going to talk about what women “should” do with their bodies.

However, as countless men before me, I spend a good amount of time admiring the female form and can, for the curious, give a male’s perspective on women who bedazzle their vaginas.

My girlfriend has a tight sun dress that I absolutely love. When she wears that dress I know I’m going to have a good time. It might be after dinner, it might be at the park, but a good time is going to be had at some point.

For me, that dress has become her silent way of saying “You’re going to like what’s coming.” That’s a powerful and exciting message for a man, and it’s the same message I get from a woman who’s bedazzled jewelry around her hoo-hah.

If – as I laid a woman into bed – I saw the dim light cascade off an intricate pattern of jewelry encircling her vagina I’d lose all control.  I would think to myself “this girl got herself all kinds of ready for me, this is going to rock.”

Is that a chauvinistic?  Of course it is, but as a guy about to have hypothetical sex, I can tell you with honesty that I just got a lot more hypothetically excited.

I’m going to use the analogy of a tramp stamp here.  A girl might have a really nice tramp stamp, the kind of tramp stamp that makes a statement about life, the universe, and everything in a profound manner.  But, that’s not what I’m going to notice, I’m going to notice that first, it’s a girl and second, and second she has a tramp stamp.

Somewhere in the vajazzling trend it feels like there’s the idea that the human body is a canvas and vajazzling is a new form of paint with which to make it into art.

Maybe that’s true, maybe I’m just too focused on what those beads are spread around, but if this is really some new form of art, then I’m one of those kids who goes to the Greek museum for the naked pictures of Aphrodite, not to admire the intricacy of the pottery.
Have any “pressing” sex and relationship questions? Email Edie and Andrew at mesapresssexcolumn@gmail.com or comment below and a reply may be printed in the next issue of The Mesa Press. Identities will remain anonymous.

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