Fantasy football always seems like a good idea before the season actually begins. Whether I get into a league with friends, co-workers, or complete strangers online, it’s hard not to feel optimistic about a new year of fantasy football.However, it’s been my experience that fantasy football is an exercise in futility. Year after year begins with somuch promise, and ends in shattered dreams of fantasy glory and disappointment. Part of it is unwise draft picks, some of it can be blamed on injuries, but the worst wounds are self-inflicted: forgetting that a player has a bye week, or a last-minute, game-time decision by coaches or trainers to hold players out of games.
This year, some co-workers decided to get a fantasy league going. We asked around at work to see how many people would be interested in joining a league, and we ended up getting 12 people to join. Mind you, most of these people are casual football fans at best, and aren’t what most would consider to be experts or ringers when it comes to fantasy football, or football in general. We ended up getting a good mix of all levels of expertise, and since a lot of fans do absolutely nothing on weekends during the days except watch football, I thought I was in great shape leading up to our draft.
When the day of the draft arrived, I felt that I had a good draft strategy: get Calvin Johnson, Tom Brady, and anythingafter them wouldn’t really matter; I was going to win every week by 60-70 points. I ended up taking Johnson with my first-round pick, and Brady with a second-round pick. I ended up picking up Frank Gore, DeMarco Murray, Jermichael Finley, Danny Amendola, and Denarius Moore. For a defense, I selected Baltimore, and for a kicker, Blair Walsh. I also picked up two promising rookies: Tavon Austin and Cordarrelle Patterson. On paper, this team looked unbeatable. I was already celebrating my league championship in my mind.
Unfortunately, week 1 was a disaster.
My defense came out and gave up 7 touchdown passes to Peyton Manning, who put up over 400 yards passing, to the tune of 46 points. Baltimore’s defense actually cost me 6 points. Not that it would have mattered; I ended up losing by 40 points. 0-1. No problem. Bad start, bounce back next week.
Week 2 was a thing of beauty. Calvin Johnson came out and lived up to his “Megatron” nickname, scoring 23 points, and Baltimore’s defense was stout, scoring 11 points. Back on track, nothing but clear sailing to the championship.
In week 3, DeMarco Murray came out of nowhere, scoring 25 points, with Calvin Johnson putting up 17, andDenarius Moore scoring 18. My team won this one going away. What was especially sweet about this win was that the guy I beat was the one person that I downright loathe at work. 2-1.
The season really began to implode in week 4. The worst part about it was that my players had decent performances.Tom Brady scored 20, Frank Gore scored 19, Calvin Johnson scored 10, and with a new defense (sick of watching Baltimore’s give up too many points and yards; switched to New Orleans), managed to keep the score close for most of the weekend. However, I ended up losing by 15 points to “Team Hello Kitty.”
Despite the setback, I assumed that this loss was an aberration. It was not.
Week 5 provided me with my worst loss so far this season. Having neglected to check my roster all week, I somehow managed to forget that my kicker had a bye week, therefore could not score any points for me if he wasn’t playing. By the time I caught this error, it was already Sunday and the games were underway. Too late. I was convinced that had I remembered to change my kicker out, I would have found some miraculous way to win, despite the fact that I lost this matchup by 51 points. Every single player on my team played horribly. Not one scored more than 10 points. It was disgusting to watch my opponent’s score continue to climb, while mine remained stationary. It was a debacle. So here I was, with a record of 2-3, having won against the two best teams, and lost to the three worst.I kept telling myself that it was one bad week, and my team would finish the season strong, somehow make the playoffs, and win the title and bragging rights at work.
Wrong.
Week 6 only confirmed my worst fears. Brady was my high scorer with 13 points. Gore and Murray scored 10 each. Injuries to Johnson limited his playing time, and my first-round pick scored a grand total of 2 points. My other starting receiver, Amendola, scored none. My flex player, Austin, was also scoreless. I only ended up losing by 20 points, which is incredible because my opponent had 3 players that didn’t score at all, either.
As of right now, my record is 2-4, last place in the division, and also last place in the league. How did this happen?Fantasy football defies logic. My team beat 2 of the best teams, and lost to 4 of the weaker ones. The season started off with so much promise. Because I’m terrible at math, or maybe because I just don’t want to think about it, I’m reasonably certain that I’m already mathematically eliminated from the playoffs. There is no magic trade that’s going to save my fantasy football season. More of my players will undoubtedly get injured, suspended, arrested, or struck by lightning. It’s beyond salvaging. It doesn’t even matter at this point.
However, my plan is trade my best players for actual, real-life currency. I’ll wait two or three weeks, and see who’s hard up for players.
Lining my pockets is the only positive thing that can happen at this point. Tom Brady? $20. Calvin Johnson? $25.
Somehow, I doubt that I’m the only fantasy football participant who finds themselves in this predicament. Maybe that’sthe point of this ridiculous game; to humble those of us who think they know more about the sport than they actually do.
